Adventures in tricycling

A couple of months ago, my wife decided we (I) need to do more exercising. She does water exercising three days a week. My physical efforts consist of walking from one room to another, taking out the trash can, bringing in the trash can, and taking the dogs to the park and back (a couple hundred yards round trip).

To make the exercise program more fun (strike “more”), my wife bought a bicycle for her and an adult Big Wheel (a.k.a. tricycle) for me. She said she would put the things together. She does not trust my getting up and down, or even walking straight, especially on the garage floor.

When the big boxes of cycles arrived, we noted the tools required for assembly – Philips head screwdriver, various Allen wrenches, an open-end wrench of specific size, and a pair of pliers with cable-cutting ability. We got all mentioned tools. Six months ago I had all those things and much, much more. But Priscilla and I decided we would not need tools at our new house in Florida. Neither of us foresaw purchase of “Some Assembly Required” cycles. Or any other kind of cycles.

With my tricycle and Priscilla’s bicycle still safely packed in their original boxes, and Priscilla away from the house for a few hours, I decided now was the time to assemble my mobility machine.

I opened the big box. The tricycle carries an American name that rhymes with Schwinn, but is was made in China. I sat in a chair in the garage and took out all the parts. I set the parts aside. I took out small boxes and opened each box, using a neat folding blade box cutter. The last box contained the seat, among other things. When opening the box, I saw a small slash in the seat. The box cutter is quite sharp. So, I’m going to have to go to Redneck Repair and buy a small roll of black duct tape to repair the seat.

Things like that happen.

I got the instruction book and read the warning titles, including one that said if I ignore some steps, I will surely die. Or be visited with plagues. OK. I read Step One, which requires Allen wrenches, needle-nose pliers, and grease.

Nowhere in the list of Required Tools printed on the outside of the box are the words “needle nose” or “grease.” Failure to use grease will result in mechanical failure, plus death and destruction and various plagues.

My wife will be home soon. The unassembled tricycle is taking up a few square feet of the garage – maybe 30, maybe 40. I will tell her about the grease and needle nose pliers. In my defense, by beginning assembly alone, I discovered a roadblock before she got settled in to putting the thing together. I’ll tell her that, too.