Tuesday, June 18, 2019

Maintaining sovereignty, stopping illegal immigration, protecting Christian culture aims of Hungary

“In last month’s European Parliament election, Hungarians entrusted the ruling alliance with three objectives: to stop illegal immigration, to protect national sovereignty and to protect Christian culture in Europe, Zoltan Kovacs told a press conference.

(Kovacs is Hungary’s state secretary for international communications and relations.)

“’Christianity is the foundation of European culture, and, accordingly, it must be ensured that the EU’s strategic document includes the fundamental value of European culture and the protection of Christianity.’”

SF plastic straw buyback ‘a qualified success’

By Harvey

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) – As part of an effort to raise awareness of and generate support for California’s recent legislation banning plastic straws, the city of San Francisco held a plastic straw buyback event to help “rid our streets of these tubular menaces to society.”

San Francisco Mayor London Breed explained why her city made this extraordinary effort to wake people up to the all-too-serious threat from plastic straws.
“It is a well-presumed fact that plastic straws are responsible for thousands, perhaps tens of thousands of deaths every year in California,” said Mayor Breed. “Now, admittedly, some studies show that buyback programs don’t actually have an impact on, well, anything, but that’s not important.”

“There are all kinds of studies that say all kinds of different things,” the mayor said. “Our point here is, there are straws on the streets of our city. We are signaling folks out there, we don’t care if its Grandpa’s straw or your straw, we want it.”

San Francisco City Administrator Naomi Kelly discussed the driving force behind the event.
“Nobody really NEEDS a plastic straw,” said Kelly, “but America is just saturated with all this straw culture and iconic straw imagery. What’s the definition of young love? Two teens using straws to drink out of the same ice cream soda. What’s the definition of somewhat older young love? Two men dueling over a woman. With swords. Which are long and skinny like straws. The imagery is everywhere and inescapable. Plus, the straw industry targets their marketing to innocent little children with juice boxes and drink pouches, all of which come with pointy little – that’s right – plastic straws. Do you know how many kids have their eyes put out with these things every year? Probably none, but they COULD. And these are just a gateway straw to harder straw use, like McDonald’s or bendy-straws. No child is safe. We have to save the children!”
San Francisco Police Chief William “Bill” Scott said the buyback was “a qualified success.”
“Well, we did get a lot of participation, but I’m not sure it was the kind the Mayor had in mind,” said Scott. “I think she was imagining we’d get buried under a pile of military-style tactical plastic straws with razor-sharp crenelations and laser sights. Or maybe fully automatic straws where a tiny pump makes it so that you don’t actually have to suck on it, you just put your mouth on the end. Well, we got zero of those kinds, since they don’t actually exist. Mostly we got straws that were bent or cracked or chewed on. Stuff homeless people would reject.”
“But,” sighed Scott, “since Her Honor was coughing up actual cash for what was essentially a pile of garbage, well, she got her photo op, I got my overtime pay, and somewhere a little girl just dumped an orange soda down the front of her dress because she wasn’t old enough to drink out of a cup. Should put THAT picture on the Mayor’s campaign posters.”
[IMAO Ace Reporters Walruskkkch and Blarg contributed to this story]

Link at knuckledraggin.com

Monday, June 17, 2019

Democrats announce law suit against ACME Mfg. Co.

So says imao.us, anyway.

WASHINGTON DC (AP) – After over two years of attempting to arrest, indict, embarrass, harm, stop, stall, or even marginally interfere with the implacable forward progress of President Trump using a wide array of convoluted tricks, schemes, and scandals, Congressional Democrats are now determined to exact retribution for their continual failures from the ACME Manufacturing Company, Inc., claiming that the company’s products are both defective and hazardous, and that they have consistently allowed President Trump to get away.

During this time period, numerous Democrats have used ACME products in their political machinations, however, due to the humiliation involved, very few were willing to discuss their experiences on the record. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi offered the following statement.
“I remember when Trump called me into the Oval Office to discuss funding the border wall, and I had this feeling that he might try leaving before I could get on camera and cut him down with childish name-calling. So I took some ACME Wall Paint and made a fake archway into the next room. Sure enough, 2 minutes into the meeting, he runs out, but somehow he runs THROUGH the archway I painted. I tried running through the archway after him, but I hit the wall face-first and splayed out flat against it. That’s why I have this bandage on my nose. It is NOT – as some people have suggested – from cosmetic surgery. That’s the other bandage on my nose.”
Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib recalled her own encounter with the elusive President.
“I put a can of Diet Coke in the middle of the road next to a check from Russia – Trump loves Diet Coke – figured I’d take a really incriminating collusion picture. Then I remembered how he ran away from Nancy, so I strapped myself to an ACME rocket so I could catch him when he did. When he took off, I went to go light the fuse and BOOM! The rocket exploded immediately, I’m black with soot from head to toe, and Trump got clean away. With MY Diet Coke!”
At the time we interviewed Senator Chuck Schumer after his Trump experience, he had been compressed into a two-foot tall cylinder with just his arms and legs sticking out. As it was difficult to understand him over the accordion noises he made with every step, the interview was brief.
“Fell off a cliff. ACME anvil fell on me. ACME umbrella did nothing. I don’t wanna talk about it,” Schumer said before accordioning away.
By way of comment on the investigation, President Trump offered only the single brief and cryptic tweet: “Meep Meep”.

Passage of years can mean lots and lots of money

An Antiques Roadshow segment from 2004 tonight featured a 1914 watch shown by the grandson of its original owner. After talking about all of the watch’s features, the appraiser announced a value of $250,000. The owner was somewhat surprised. At the end of the segment, he asked, “How do I get it home?”

I said to my wife, “I hope he sold it.”

Then flashed on the screen the 2019 appraised value: $2 million to $3 million.

I said to my wife, “I hope he held on to it.” 

Viktor Orban explains history to Western Europeans

“We don't want to criticize France, Belgium, any other country, but we think all countries have a right to decide whether they want to have a large number of Muslims in their countries.  If they want to live together with them, they can.  We don't want to and I think we have a right to decide that we do not want a large number of Muslim people in our country.  We do not like the consequences of having a large number of Muslim communities that we see in other countries, and I do not see any reason for anyone else to force us to create ways of living together in Hungary that we do not want to see[.] ... I have to say that when it comes to living together with Muslim communities, we are the only ones who have experience because we had the possibility to go through that experience for 150 years.”


Insisting that the countries of Eastern Europe take in more Muslims is the same as telling every German-occupied country of world War II to take in and feed, house, clothe and pay Nazis.

Friday, June 14, 2019

Alaska National Guard picks up bear-bitten hunter

Annie Zak

Airmen rescued a man who suffered “significant injuries” in a bear attack Monday west of the Interior community of Galena, a spokesman for the Alaska National Guard said.
Few details were available by Monday evening. The National Guard had not identified the victim, described the extent of his injuries, or said what kind of bear was involved. The rescue happened 75 miles west of Galena, said David Bedard, spokesman for the Guard’s 176th wing.
“A hunting partner stayed with the victim and was in contact with a Good Samaritan pilot flying overhead,” the Guard said in a statement released Monday.
The Alaska Rescue Coordination Center sent a Pave Hawk helicopter and an HC-130J on the rescue mission, the Guard said.
A two-person rescue team parachuted from the HC-130 and then “hiked to the location of the injured individual, where they provided life-saving care,” according to the agency’s statement. The aircraft also transported blood that was “critical" to the patient’s survival, the Guard said.
The helicopter picked up the victim and the rescue team, and the victim was later transported to Providence Alaska Medical Center in Anchorage.

(The Guard sent a C-130J and a Pave Hawk. That is some serious care.)

Chernobyl nuclear explosion part of Russian criminal enterprise

“Ironically, the greatest danger posed to the Soviet Union’s nuclear power plants was not an attack from the West but was rather the culture of corruption endemic to the Soviet socialist system. It was this culture of corruption that prioritized meeting deadlines and timetables over safety concerns. And it was this culture of corruption that placed emphasis on cheaper but less safe reactors over more expensive but safer reactors.

Russia is run by criminals. Russia has always been run by criminals. The major difference between Czarist criminals and Communist criminals is Communists killed many millions more than did Czarist criminals, and in a much shorter period of time. The “culture of corruption” in pre-Czarist times led to the criminal enterprise known as the Russian Empire and to the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics and to the present Russian Federation.