WASHINGTON, D.C.—After
Representative Adam Schiff came under scrutiny for reading a fake version of
the phone call between President Donald Trump and the president of Ukraine,
Schiff was forced to admit he is just a parody of an actual congressman.
"I know I may have seemed like a congressman, as I wear a suit and say
Congress-y things, but I've actually just been a parody all along," he
said in a press conference Monday. "Wait---you all didn't realize that
this whole time!? I thought I was pretty clearly labeled satire."
Schiff revealed his real name
is Bob Peterson. He's a method actor from Iowa. "I got really into the
part," he said. "And I guess at some point the line between reality
and parody began to blur. Boy, it's been a whirlwind for the past couple
decades, hasn't it?"
Peterson said he was sorry for
those who were fooled by his act. "I never meant for anyone to take me
seriously," he said, chuckling. "I thought it was very clearly satire
from the beginning."
The committed actor pulled off
his Adam Schiff mask, revealing himself to be a portly man with a wide
handlebar mustache and a mullet. "The jig is up."
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