Do what?

We got several packs of dog treats yesterday. Chicken jerky. I call the stuff “turkey jerky” just for rhyme. 

Printed above “Jerky Treats” was the claim “Natural.”

“Do what?” I said aloud. How can cut up, cooked, artificially dried, smoked and flavored anything be considered “Natural?” Natural would be if a dog chased down a chicken, killed it and ate it. Natural would be pulling off the feathers and ripping apart the carcass, using natural canine teeth. Natural also would be a chicken farmer seeing the dog eating the chicken and dispatching said dog in some violent manner.

I guess we don’t really expect accuracy in advertising. Honest advertising? Sure. How about “honest politicians” or “accurate news stories” or “nonbiased reporters?”

Like eggs, a dozen or 18 bought at a local store in polystyrene packages. Some packages say “Eggs.” But then you get into “We’re better than you,” a claim on the eggs and buyers.

“Free range eggs.” OK, those chickens wander hither and yon, depositing eggs wherever, and people search for and find the “better than your eggs” eggs. Somehow I do not think those chickens are allowed to lay eggs wherever.

“Cage-free eggs.” Another phrase for the above.

“Vegetarian eggs.” Chickens that don’t eat meat. Really? And here I thought most chickens are fed a diet of beef, lamb, fish, and etc. Also, a “free range” chicken better not be called “vegetarian,” because a chicken will eat anything it can pick up with its beak. Bugs, worms, droppings from other chickens. Chickens are nasty creatures.

And the one I really like: “Organic eggs.” That means the eggs come from a real chicken, right?