Playing the Army game

Maj. Martin, battalion operations officer, called on a Tuesday after a weekend field drill. “Do you have a Corp. Smith and a Corp. Jones in B Company?”

“Yes, Sir,” I said. “They’re both in my platoon.”

“Well,” he said, “they pumped about 100 gallons of MOGAS into an APC and Col. Wisely is really pissed. He said he’ll have to pull the engine and do all kinds of cleaning it out.”

A couple of things were running in my mind as Maj. Martin went on. First, an M113A2 will take 93 gallons of diesel. Second, we had used the APCs for only a short time of driving, and I doubted my two corporals had put more than five gallons of gasoline in the vehicle. Third, there was no way the maintenance people would have to pull the diesel engine and clean it. They could counteract any gasoline with a quart or so of motor oil, if the 88 gallons already in the tank hadn’t already taken care of the five gallons.

I didn’t say any of that, though. I let the major go on. He had been called by a known short-tempered lieutenant colonel, who did not shy away from telling soldiers and officers when they screwed up. Lt. Col. Wisely probably had some terse comments on the intelligence of infantry soldiers who apparently did not know that Army APCs hadn’t run on gasoline for about 10 years. Too, he probably had a few comments on the training those two corporals of mine had not received.

Maj. Martin said, “Here is what you will do. You will get a signed statement from each corporal telling what they did and that they will never do it again. You will give the statements to me, and I will give then to Col. Wisely.”

I said, “Yes, Sir.”

As soon as Maj. Martin was done with me, I called Col. Wisely. I said, “Sir, I understand a couple of my soldiers have caused much difficulty and pulling of hair by not knowing which fuel to put in an APC.”

Col. Wisely laughed. “Aw, hell, it wasn’t any big deal. I just wanted to make a point with battalion headquarters. Truth be known, it was probably their fuel specialist who handed your men the hose.”

That was most likely true. At the Camp Maxey fuel point, an APC commander ground-guided his track onto the concrete pad, where a battalion fuel specialist handed up a hose. My corporals should have noticed the hose was attached to a gasoline pump, but they had not. There were enough mistakes so everybody involved got one.

I mentioned pulling the engine, but Col. Wisely said that was just part of his making a point. “We’ll pour some motor oil in, and everything will be good to go.”

I apologized for my corporals’ mistake.

Then I wrote statements for my corporals to sign. Next drill, I talked to them. Both looked like they felt kind of stupid. Both said they were BS-ing with the fuel specialist and not paying attention. Each signed his statement and both agreed they would never do that again. And they were right.

I gave the statements to Maj. Martin. He read each one. He said, a bit angrily, “They say exactly the same thing! Except for their names, they’re the same!”

I said, “Well, Sir, they both made the same mistake.”

He was not happy, but he did have statements he could give Col. Wisely, and we all would live happily ever after.