In yesterday’s mail was a
letter purportedly from something called A.H.C. in Bradenton, Fla.
Superfluous printed additions
to the envelope make me believe the people at A.H.C. think I am of lesser intelligence
than others.
To make me believe the letter
is of some importance, A.H.C. added in red, all caps: “IMMEDIATE RESPONSE
REQUIRED.”
Required. As in “YOU MUST
CONTACT US. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.”
Well, yeah, I do. And, I won’t
respond immediately, or not so immediately.
Also printed on the envelope
is a circle using a decades-old imprint reminiscent of a rubber stamp: “Identification
Certified Valid,” and in the center of the circle: “Recorded” above “FILED.”
And at the bottom left of the
envelope, in all caps: “THE CONTENTS OF THIS PARCEL HAVE BEEN FILED AND
REGISTERED IN OUR FILES PRIOR TO MAILING. PLEASE DO NOT TAMPER WITH CONTENTS.”
Ah. So A.H.C. filed a copy of
the letter in its own files.
The contents of this
important, pre-filed and pre-registered mailing? An ad for a hearing aid.
Hey, A.H.C. folks: We do not
need some two-page color brochure to know we have problems with our hearing. Our
wife lets us know every day. Sometimes several times.
(Search for the Bradenton
address shows Cortez Plaza and the following
businesses: Switch Wireless, Signarama, Books-a-Million and a business sign unreadable
because of the camera angle. Additional search shows Armand’s Hearing Center also at
the address. In a posted review, a writer says he/she paid $5,000 on a Friday
for a hearing aid and then tried to return the device on Monday. The buyer was
charged $458 and old A.H.C. would hold the remainder for 30 days. The
unsatisfied customer said he/she got the money back after a month.)
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