Got nothing to do for the next few days?

Search "mitch hedberg jokes" and spend a week reading as well as watching videos. The funniest comedian ever.

Two of his best:

People associate long hair with drug use. I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use... like an extreme longing for cake. And then strangers would see a long haired guy and say, "That guy eats cake. He is on bunt cake." Mothers saying to their daughters, "Don't bring the cake-eater over here anymore. He smells like flour. Did you see how excited he got when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.