Truth in humor

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal at the Gridiron dinner.

I’m honored to be here tonight, and to have this opportunity to represent my people.

As you know, my people are one of our nation’s most accomplished minority groups – doctors…lawyers…business owners…and of course, I’m referring to the Republican Party.

They say this is a place where you can come and tell jokes about the President…poke fun at yourself … set political ambition aside and just generally say anything you want. Kind of like the Romney campaign.

I spoke to Mitt the other day…told him that I was doing the Gridiron dinner…he said that 47 percent of you can’t take a joke.

This of course is the night for the Washington press corps and the President to kick back, share a few laughs, not take things seriously and just generally enjoy each other’s company. Kind of like the President’s interview on 60 Minutes.

The Gridiron Dinner used to be known as the night the media and the administration set aside their differences — back in the days when they had some.

I was on the treadmill the other day and I caught something about the supreme and infallible leader ordained from on high stepping down, and I got all excited, but then I realized it was just the Pope not the President.

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But…what a difference a day makes … now some people have asked me if I intend to run for President in 2016?

And the answer is that I have no plans to run. I’ve made that clear, over and over again…in Iowa…in New Hampshire…and in South Carolina.

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The truth is – I am too skinny to run. At least that’s what my friend Chris Christie keeps telling me. Chris pointed out that my biceps are half the size of Obama’s guns. Not the president’s, Michelle’s.

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I was one of Rick Perry’s strongest supporters. I supported Rick because he’s a loyal friend, a great governor, and…oops…I forget the third reason.

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You’ll have to excuse me for a second. I’m drying up. I need a drink of water.

I was hoping to finally meet Mayor Bloomberg here tonight………that’s a lie

I was also hoping to see Harry Reid…..that’s another lie
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The Menendez scandal is disturbing. Soliciting prostitution is completely unacceptable. We would never put up with that in Louisiana.

Great to see the new Senator from Massachusetts – Elizabeth Warren. My staff tells me we’ve got a lot in common. Well from one Indian politician to another, I want to wish you all the best in your new job.

I ran into Joe Biden earlier today. I don’t think he recognized me though. He asked me to go get him a Slurpee.

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I see Eric Holder is with us tonight. I actually heard a rumor that due to sequestration, the attorney general can only afford to ship a couple hundred illegal guns across the border this year.

I saw a bumper sticker on the way over here that said, “Honk if you’ve been released by Janet Napolitano.”

I understand that to save money – the President’s Secret Service detail is being replaced by Joe Biden with a shotgun.

Mr. President, I see a lot of famous people here tonight. Some of our top journalists. I don’t see Bob Woodward, though. He sends his…regrets.

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You know, a lot of people warned me that if I voted for Mitt Romney, a Wall Street robber baron who hid his money in secretive Grand Cayman bank accounts would end up running the U.S. Treasury. I see Jack Lew is here tonight. Good thing that job went to you instead, Jack.

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This may surprise you, but I’m looking forward to President Obama’s second term. It will be refreshing to hear him stop blaming all the country’s problems on the last four years.

People say that the President and I both have trouble laughing at ourselves.

We can’t laugh at ourselves. That would be racist.

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