Everything has changed

Priscilla and I brought her mother here. We will go back to my mother-in-law’s house for the weekend and get John from the group home, too. (For brevity, I will call her R.)

Many have been through the dementia and Alzheimer’s with parents and other older relatives. R and her brother and sister are examples. R’s mother talked with people who were not visible, people whose names were unknown to her children. They almost always tried to correct her mistakes. “Now, Momma, that’s not what happened.” “Momma, we talked about that just a few minutes ago.” I figured, she is 94 years old. She has earned the right to talk to people who aren’t there. And if she forgets, well, she is 94. She was 97 when she died.

R is doing the same things. Saturday, she said to my wife, “You didn’t tell me you had moved to Little Rock.” She spent Thanksgiving here and a week in January. “I remember you lived southwest of here.”

Priscilla said, “We lived in Sulphur Springs for 25 years.”

“No,” R said. “You lived near Dallas.” (We lived in Grand Prairie from 1975-1981.)

Several times Saturday she mentioned her cardiologist appointment “this Monday at 3 p.m.” Each time, Priscilla said, “No, your appointment is on the 13th at 1 p.m.”

There were other things she repeated several times, other things she did not get right.

And tonight, at supper. I fixed ham, turnip greens and cornbread. R asked, “Are these greens frozen?” I said they were from a can. She said, “Well they sure are good. They’re as good as fresh greens.” And not five minutes later, “These are turnip greens, aren’t they.” I said they were. She said, “Well, they sure are good.”

Priscilla spent a week with R, taking her to two doctors and to an attorney. One morning R asked Priscilla if she had talked with her father the night before. “He always comes to visit when I have company,” R said. Priscilla’s father died in 2004.

R has not yet admitted that she will never again live in her house, nor will she drive again. Last week she drove her car into a ditch, nose first. She wasn’t hurt.

Everything has changed now. I do not see any of it for the better. Everybody’s routine is upset.

I don’t mind the extra cooking. Sometimes I would have a bowl of cereal with raisins and nuts for lunch. Perfectly satisfied with that. Now, I will make real lunches. That’s not a problem.

I am disappointed that things have changed. But, that’s life.