The Babylon Bee
BILOXI, MS—Really smart experts everywhere are
pulling their hair out with frustration due to thousands of uneducated people
not realizing leading voices in critical theory and social justice activism
changed all the definitions of every meaningful word in the English language
just a few days ago.
Tensions escalated today when Dale Smithers, a Facebook user from Mississippi,
wrote the comment: “I dunno... as a white man, I don’t think I’m a racist
or that America is a racist country.”
At that ignorant statement, thousands of
well-educated voices at universities around the country suddenly cried out in
terror and refused to be silent.
“I literally just can’t with this guy,” said Xandace
Bertheratrix, Dean of Race and Gender studies at NYU. “Doesn’t he know that
whiteness isn’t a race but a system of oppression, and that
maleness isn’t a gender but a system of oppression, and that America
isn’t a place but a system of oppression, and that it’s literally impossible
for those things to not be racist? I mean, come on, man!” Dr. Bertheratrix
barely got her sentence out before hyperventilating and collapsing on the
floor.
Unfortunately, the NYU staff overheard Xandace use
the non-inclusive phrase “come on, man.” She was quickly carried off by campus
social justice enforcers.
Further investigation revealed the horrifying
truth that Smithers didn't even know the definition of any of these terms:
- Queerantagonism
- Non-consensual co-platforming
- Brown fragility
- Microinvalidations
- Mathematx
- Intercorporeality
- Autoethnography
He has been ordered to take reeducation
courses or his farm will be canceled.
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