I’m from the government, and I’m here to help you

And other slightly inaccurate things said.

I’ll love you forever no matter what.
The check is in the mail.
I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.
This will only hurt for a little while
I’m not addicted, I can quit anytime
You're the best I've ever had
I love the gift it’s just what I wanted
But, officer, I only had two beers.
...But we can still be good friends.
Come on, we'll just have ONE beer!
Dad, I need to move out of the dorm into an apartment of my own so I can have some peace and quiet when I study.
Don't worry; he's never bitten anyone.
Don't worry; I can go another 40 miles when the gauge is on "Empty."
Don't worry, it's OK -- I'm sterile.
Five pounds is nothing on a person with your height.
Go ahead and tell me. I promise I won't get mad.
Having a great time. Wish you were here.
I am married, but we're getting a divorce.
I did not have sexual relations with that woman
I did just once but I didn't inhale
If it will make you happy, it will make me happy.
If you get pregnant I promise I'll be there for you every step of the way.
We don’t need a map, I know EXACTLY how to get there.
Your baby is beautiful.
The river NEVER gets high enough to flood this property.
You made it yourself!! I never would have guessed.

https://ww2aircraft.net/forum/threads/uncle-albert-and-the-kamikaze.44681/

In the Army, the misstatement "We are from headquarters and we are here to help you" is answered with, "And we are glad to see you."