Always a fuss, sometimes a mess.

Bob’s family here. He ended his life about ten hours after posting his final blog. It’s hard to know what to say now. We were all very surprised and will miss him in our lives. His jokes and stories were something we will always remember. As he wrote about in a few entries COVID is no joke. Being sick is depressing, and this must have just been too much.

He got a lot of fulfillment from writing these blogs and meeting like-minded people. The last few years he wasn’t able to get out and travel as much as he liked but being online here was a way to stay active and involved. Dad especially liked meeting many of you at the rifle range a couple of years ago. Shooting, talking about shooting, and sharing war stories were always fun activities.

He will be buried in Texas—as he wished—at the DFW National Cemetery. The process takes a while so it will probably be sometime in the spring. Hopefully it’s a good year for bluebonnets. We are by no means asking for donations, but if you are looking for something a veteran’s charity like Mission 22 or StopSoldierSuicide.org seem like respectable organizations. If you do make a donation, please mention Bob Merriman.

If you or someone you know is thinking of suicide, call 988. It’s a nationwide number for crisis response. You don’t even have to be in the same city as the person you’re calling about. And if you have any other identifying information about them do not wait to try and contact their family members.

Thank you all. Keep fighting the good fight.

No fuss, no mess

The time is 10:38 a.m. Eastern Time, 31 December 2022. I just swallowed 10 capsules of Lisinopril. I want the pain to end. 

Around 7 a.m. I searched to find out if Lisinopril is an effective method for suicide. The internet gave no yes or no reply, but did list the drug’s usages. There were several suicide hotline numbers as well. I am well beyond hotline information.

I just want the pain to stop. Drugs to not help. Physical therapy has not helped. A dozen doctors of medicine did  it listen when I told them of my pain and my idea that it was related to the 1986 cerebral aneurysm and a diagnosed right side focal dystonia. Doctors said, “There must be a problem with your lower back. Let’s get X-Rays of your lower back.” When nothing showed on X-Rays, the doctors said nothing.

So, since medicine cannot stop the pain, I have used medicine to do it.

To Priscilla, I love you. There are not enough words to tell you.

To Michael, Kathleen and Casey, I love you. You have been exceptional children, all that a father could want.

This COVID-3 or whatever has knocked me dead in the mud

I tell you what. 

My wife and my daughter brought it back from NYC a couple or three days before Christmas, and it wasted no time laying into those of us who had not left Florida. Well, I didn’t get it right away, but everybody else did and then quickly got over it. When done with them, COVID went after me with a passion. In a 24-hour period, I fell out of bed three times. My wife and my oldest son got me up, but it was a chore. Michael is 30 years younger than I am, but I have him by 60 pounds. My wife is six years younger. I am wearing diapers and sleeping on a water-soluble pad. Last night I emptied my bladder four times and am not fearful of saying I made not one effort of getting out of bed.

I am drinking DayQuil and NyQuil, and my wife will get a pint of Southern Comfort, her next supply run.

I am tired and must go to bed.     

 

62? Are you serious?

The house seemed cold, and cold is the last thing a sick me wants. Check the thermostat. Inside temperature, 70. That’s cool for a winter night when outside is 52. OK, check setting … 62? Are you serious? And then I see that the system is “Off.” That’s right. On the second-coldest (so far) night of the year, the heat is Off? Fixable. Turn system on. Set on Heat. Up requested temperature to 72. Problem solved, except sometime during the night the system will go off again. I don’t know why. The air conditioner never does that.

That North-South thing still going on, is it?

New Jersey Gov. Pat Murphy statement when signing gun control law: 

“What kind of state do we want to be? Do we want to be like Mississippi or Alabama, whose firearm death rates are nearly five times ours, or do we want to remain a state where people can actually be and feel safe?”

https://gunfreezone.net/legislative-insurrection-should-be-punished/

Yeah, we got the Covid. Again

 A couple of posts down, I mentioned a trip to NYC by my wife and my daughter and subsequent flu-like symptoms within a day or so of returning home.

Home test thingys confirm -- my wife has Covid, as does our oldest son and our daughter. I did not take the test. What I have is too much like 11 months ago Covid, I'll just go ahead and say I've got it. We all got both government-recommended sticks or whatever.

Earlier this year a TV PSA said, "If you get the jabs, you will not get Covid." Word from the federal government, raise a hand and etc.

One of these days, maybe not