Saturday, March 27, 2010

Is this a real emergency?

Apparently there are web sites one might access to determine if an injury is sufficiently serious to cause a 9-1-1 call.

http://littleredboat.co.uk/ mentions this, and gives examples, to wit:

- ‘dislocation of the knee’, which may be identified by a crazy floating kneecap and possible freezing of the nerves.

- bleeding ‘that does not stop after 15 minutes of constant pressure’. AND

- any situation in which your leg has been ‘partially OR completely amputated’.

As well as a scenario for the utterly stupid:

“I mean, it is not that losing a limb is funny at all… It is just the thought that the lovely people behind this site believe they’re providing a service by catering to the kind of people who, faced with the fact that one of their own perambulators had been whacked wholly (or mostly) off, would google it before phoning an ambulance."

****

“Dude, that looks kind of hurty. Do you want me to call an ambulance?”

“Should we?! I mean, I don’t know, I don’t want to bother them if it’s not crucial.”

“Well, it’s lying on the floor.”

“Yeah, but it’s not ALL the way through, look, if I lift my thigh, I can dangle the lower half of the leg by at lest half a tendon and a couple of stringy veins.”

“True.”

“I could probably just take an aspirin”

“You know - maybe best not, you’re already spraying blood all over the entire room from that exposed artery.”

“Good point. Well, I supposed if that counts as MAINLY amputated, I should probably phone an ambulance.”

“I guess. I’ve got 511 on speed dial if you’d rather know the nearest bus route?”

“No, best not, I think that….”
[dies]
“I love the internet.”

(One of these days I'll figure out how to do a hyperlink.)

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