Thursday, May 26, 2011

Husbandly duties

I am a man, which means, among other things, that the label on almost all my clothes says “Machine wash warm, tumble dry normal” or “tumble dry regular.”

Labels on my wife’s clothes, though, say “Machine wash warm” or “Machine wash cold” or “Hand wash cold,” some “delicate cycle,” and “tumble dry regular” or “tumble dry delicate” or don’t tumble dry at all, but “Lay flat to dry” or “Hang dry” or “Line dry” or “Drip dry.” I figure “Hang,” “Line” and “Drip” all mean the same thing, and nothing adverse has happened when “Hang dry” equates to “On a hangar hung on the laundry room door upper sill.” “Lay flat to dry” equates to “On a bed not in use.” That works OK, since the clothes so laid flat went through the spin cycle and are not sopping wet like clothes used to be when my mother used an old broom handle to take clothes from boiling water in a wash pot and then rinse the clothes in cold water in a galvanized tub and then wring them out by hand and put them in a basket and when the basket was full, carry the basket to a clothes line. That was in the Good Old Days, before women had washing machines and dryers in the house, and looonng before fathers/husbands were at home and mothers/wives working. When you’re retired, though, some things kind of revolve to you.

But we were talking about the “Lay flat to dry” label.

What was in the mind of whoever wrote “Lay flat to dry”? Did he/she think most people have a particular place in the house, a place the real estate agent points out? “And this is the lay flat to dry,” and potential home buyers say, “Ooh, that’s nice.” Beds not in use work.

While varying instructions are irritating, more so are the ones unreadable. Who decided to make instructions gold letters on black background? Or white letters in blue background? And all in 6-point letters?

If I can’t read a label, the offending blouse or pair of slacks becomes a “Lay flat to dry.”

And then … Dryer buzzer went off. Have to hang up clothes.

Don’t get me started on hangers.

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