Tuesday, November 8, 2011

If Dobie had taken Zelda on a few dates, Rock Hudson would be alive today

From a Facebook posting:

“MyTV shows programs from the ‘50s and ‘60s. A whole bunch of them. Car 54 came on the other night and Priscilla said, “Some theme songs you just remember.” Unfortunately. Stick in the head all day. Ode to Billy Joe. I turn off the radio, but I heard the guitar entry and it’s there alllll day.”

And who can forget this timeless classic:

Here’s a story
About a boy named Dobie
And his beeeessst friend

I forget the rest.

The thing about Dobie, he wanted what he couldn’t have, or “who” he couldn’t have – Thalia Menninger (“have” in the 1959-63 sense of … well, sort of possessing, but not really, and certainly not “have” in the sexual sense. Nobody had sex then. Not television characters. Mr. and Mrs. Gillis did not have and had not had sex. Never and ever. Maynard’s parents … No, man. Yuuchsville, man.).

Who else never had sex, in the normal sense? Zelda. All those times she was after Dobie, all those school dances and movies, rides in cars or Halloween hayrides on wagons and such … Never happened.

It’s Dobie’s fault.

Zelda “came out” a few years ago. If Dobie had taken Zelda to a few movies, borrowed Dad’s car, gone on a hayride or so, maybe things would have been different and Zelda would not have hung around in the closet all those years.

Why is it a news story when somebody famous “comes out?” If homosexuality is normal, why does it matter when somebody announces he or she is “gay?”

Years ago my wife attended a national meeting of executive directors of an organization. At the first session, each ED introduced herself and told where she was from. The woman running the meeting then introduced members of the national staff. Before introducing one man, she asked him, “Should I tell them?” He replied, “Yes.” The woman said, “He is gay.”

When telling me of the meeting my wife said, “Why would anybody refer to himself as a sex act?”

I thought, Wow. That’s true. When a man says he is gay, he means he has sex with other men. There is no other meaning. When a woman says she is gay, she means she has sex with other women. That’s it.

A contestant on this TV season’s Survivor is a retired New York Police Department detective. During some part of the show, I wasn’t paying that much attention until the man said, “I am gay. That’s who I am.”

What? You spend your adult life as a policeman, much of it as a detective, yet you see yourself as gay, and nothing else? You summarize your entire life with the declaration you have sex with other men. That’s it? There is nothing else?

Pay attention. When a man says he is gay, he says he has sex with other men. That. Is. It. There is no other meaning. None.

I’m supposed to do some wrap-up here, but it isn’t necessary. My point has been made.

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