Telemarketers

With internet and cable, we got a landline phone. That means telemarketers. I got tired of just letting the call run out its 10 rings and tired of getting mad at real people and madder at recorded sales pitches, especially the ones that are made as though a real person is conversing.

"Hey, this is Fred with customer service! How are you today?"

ME: Which customer service.

FRED: That's great! I'm calling from Walt Disney Tours ...

Now I say : "Thank you for calling the Red Pony this glorious afternoon. How may I be of assistance?"

What I have learned: A -- By saying that, I do not get angry. B -- The telemarketing aspect is not engaged unless you say "Hello?" or "Hola?" or some such.

So far I have said that to one (1) real, live human-type person, and she started her spiel about delivering a religious tract as though I had said nothing. Hey, lady. You're interested in where I will spend Eternity, but you don't listen to what I said?

I didn’t know I had applied

Wow. I just got a call from a helpful man telling me my small business loan application has been approved! I can get $8,000 some way or another, but I don’t know what to do now because I hung up.

Quick mind shift

The land line rang yesterday, and caller ID appeared on the TV screen – Acme Mortgage Protection. I don’t usually answer telemarket calls, but that one I did just so I could say what I said.

Caller: This is Selma with Acme Mortgage Protection. May I please speak to (my wife)?

Me: We don’t have a mortgage.

Slight pause, then: May I interest you in life insurance?

Me (laughing): No, thank you.