You know, you can’t fool all
the people all the time, and last night all those people were at my show. –
Mitch Hedberg, Feb.24, 1968-March 29, 2005.
Showing posts with label mitch hedberg. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mitch hedberg. Show all posts
Thursday, March 19, 2020
Friday, March 1, 2013
Got nothing to do for the next few days?
Search "mitch hedberg jokes" and spend a week reading as well as watching videos. The funniest comedian ever.
Two of his best:
People associate long hair with drug use. I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use... like an extreme longing for cake. And then strangers would see a long haired guy and say, "That guy eats cake. He is on bunt cake." Mothers saying to their daughters, "Don't bring the cake-eater over here anymore. He smells like flour. Did you see how excited he got when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Two of his best:
People associate long hair with drug use. I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use... like an extreme longing for cake. And then strangers would see a long haired guy and say, "That guy eats cake. He is on bunt cake." Mothers saying to their daughters, "Don't bring the cake-eater over here anymore. He smells like flour. Did you see how excited he got when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
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