Monday, December 9, 2013

Move along. Nothing political here


Stress management

Picture yourself near a stream.

Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool, mountain air.

No one knows your secret place.

You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called "the world".

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

The water is clear.

You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under the water.

There now... feeling better?

You know you are getting old when …

Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

Why Hanukkah is better than Christmas

10. No big, fat guy getting stuck in your chimney

9. Cleaning wax off your menorah is slightly easier than dismantling an 8-foot tall fir tree

8. Compare: chocolate gelt vs. fruitcake

7. You get to learn cool new words like "Kislev" and "far-shtoonken-ah"

6. No brutal let-down when you discover that Santa Claus isn't real

5. Your neighbors are unlikely to complain about how your menorah is blinding them senseless

4. It's like a big reunion when everyone gathers at the Chinese restaurant on Christmas Eve

3. In a holiday character face-off, Judah Macabee could kick Frosty's butt

2. No need to clean up big piles of reindeer poop off your roof

And the Number One reason why everyone should celebrate Hanukkah is:

1. None of that Naughty-Nice Stuff EVERYONE GETS LOOT!!!

Alaska State Trooper interrogation

“Where were you on the night of September through February?”

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