HOLLYWOOD
– After a petition demanding
that the writers of Game of Thrones
rewrite the final season received over half a million signatures this week,
David Benioff and D. B. Weiss fired back with a rebuttal petition inviting
fans to create their own hit series, if they think they’d be so much better at
it.
“We named our petition ‘Just try and write a massive fantasy
epic as well as us, you ungrateful little shits,” exclaimed Benioff, smoking a
joint made from a rolled-up thousand dollar bill. “I’d love to see them do it.
I’d love to see them condense 1500 individual plotlines into one season in a
way that makes everyone happy, without any source material whatsoever. I’m sure
they’ll do just great.”
Weiss agreed, emphasizing that the enormity of the task required
some hard artistic choices and if you didn’t like the results, you could “suck
a fat one and do it yourself.”
“They’re
saying we ‘ruined the show’?” he scoffed from the roof of his solid-gold penthouse suite
in LA. “We’re ‘woefully incompetent’? Just you wait until you’ve written the
most successful television show in history. Just wait until you have 18 million
people breathing down your neck to make sure Daenerys’ character arc is
‘logical.’ What are you gonna do, use common sense? No! You’re gonna burn stuff
with dragons,
because it looks awesome.”
“I promise you, if we have to re-write this season, the White
Walkers are gonna straight-up murder everyone in the first episode, so be
careful what you wish for, assholes.”
Game of Thrones fan Christine Baker, who admitted to being quite
disappointed in the last season, had strong reservations about Benioff and
Weiss’ new petition.
“I mean, I get that they’re mad people are being so negative,”
she mused. “I actually thought it sounded like a fun writing challenge.
But did the petition just have to consist of an image of both of them giving us
the middle finger on top of a Porsche?
That just seemed unnecessary.”
At press time, the new petition had received eight signatures,
all from Benioff and Weiss under numerous fake names.
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