FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money cannot buy happiness but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard's name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
(The original had failure to use an apostrophe in three words, which led to an added rule: Those who do not know the proper use of an apostrophe will be doomed to appear ignorant.)
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