Soldier-proofing

The Army magazine story was about a piece of new-fangled equipment that would make a soldier’s job easier and contribute to defeating an opposing force, should such be necessary. The concluding paragraph stated the equipment would now be sent to Fort Hood for “soldier-proofing.”

I read it again. Soldier-proofing? Appreciative laughter followed. Somebody had some sense. The Army is going to put the equipment in the hands of soldiers not associated with schools at Benning or Knox or labs at Fort Detrick. Soldiers who will actually use the equipment, if it is approved for use, play with the equipment, take it to the field for days or weeks, and maybe break it.

Soldier-proofing. Let’s see if normal, everyday soldiers, can break this in everyday usage.

Of course they can. Soldiers can break anything, most often without even trying. “I don’t know what happened, Sergeant. I took it out of the bag, and it was in pieces.”

Soldier-proofing. Give a soldier an anvil, he’s likely to give it back broken.

Maybe today’s soldiers are more careful of equipment than in days long gone, but I doubt it. Soldiers are soldiers. Rifleman Dowd has a flintlock? Guarantee he will break the flint or lose it at some point in his army career. That’s why sergeants exist – to check every piece of every soldier’s equipment. Every day if necessary, until soldiers learn to take care of their stuff. Well, the Army’s stuff, actually, but a soldier has signed for everything he has. His signature, along with Army rules and traditions, makes him responsible.

At the beginning of an Annual Training period at Fort Hood, Texas, in 1985 I signed for a deuce-and-a-half load of MILES gear. MILES – Multiple Integrated Laser Engagement System -- is/was an Army training systems that gave instant feedback for being shot or near-missed. Each soldier’s issue consisted of a laser transmitter attached to a weapon barrel and sensors attached to a soldier’s helmet and over his suspender straps. When a near-miss laser beam was fired near a soldier, a loud, shrill beep sounded, informing the soldier he had almost been hit. When the laser beam engaged a sensor, the beep was continuous, informing the soldier he had been hit. The wounded soldier could turn off the beep  by removing a key from his transmitter and inserting the key into the sensor control box on a suspender.

I liked using MILES. Somebody gets a solid beep, he has no argument that he was missed. None.

That Annual Training, every soldier in the battalion drew a full MILES set, battalion commander down to the PVT in mess or maintenance just returned from AIT. Issuing the stuff was a bitch. The transmitters and sensors came in squad-issue containers, plasticky metal boxes about three feet square and protected by a bunch of foam rubber. Each piece was serial-numbered and required a nine-volt battery, three batteries per soldier.

I signed for a mechanized infantry company’s worth – three platoons and headquarters section. Cost more than I would make in a couple of years or so as an E7. I drove the M35A2 2 ½ ton truck to the company assembly area.

SFC Richard Porter, a platoon sergeant friend, asked, “How are we going to get all of this unloaded?”

I already had an answer. “Every piece of Army equipment is designed to withstand a fall from the back of a deuce-and-a-half. We’re going to drop the tail gate and then back up the trick as fast as we can and slam on the brakes. The boxes will slide out of the truck.”

Richard grinned. “Don’t tell me that unless you mean it.” Richard was always ready to try something nobody else had thought of before. Besides, I was a full time Training NCO and platoon sergeant. That gave me some consideration above other Guard soldiers.

I said “I am serious. That is what we’re going to do.”

“All right,” Richard said. “You drop the tail gate, I’ll back up the truck.”

We did exactly as I said. When Richard slammed on the brakes, the boxes moved maybe three or four inches. We wound up unloading the MILES the old fashioned way, with PVT and SP4 soldier muscles. I was so looking forward to validation of my "fall from a deuce-and-a-half" theory.