Just because I am older, doesn’t mean I’m stupid

In yesterday’s mail was a letter purportedly from something called A.H.C. in Bradenton, Fla.

Superfluous printed additions to the envelope make me believe the people at A.H.C. think I am of lesser intelligence than others.

To make me believe the letter is of some importance, A.H.C. added in red, all caps: “IMMEDIATE RESPONSE REQUIRED.”

Required. As in “YOU MUST CONTACT US. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE.”

Well, yeah, I do. And, I won’t respond immediately, or not so immediately.

Also printed on the envelope is a circle using a decades-old imprint reminiscent of a rubber stamp: “Identification Certified Valid,” and in the center of the circle: “Recorded” above “FILED.”

And at the bottom left of the envelope, in all caps: “THE CONTENTS OF THIS PARCEL HAVE BEEN FILED AND REGISTERED IN OUR FILES PRIOR TO MAILING. PLEASE DO NOT TAMPER WITH CONTENTS.”

Ah. So A.H.C. filed a copy of the letter in its own files.

The contents of this important, pre-filed and pre-registered mailing? An ad for a hearing aid.

Hey, A.H.C. folks: We do not need some two-page color brochure to know we have problems with our hearing. Our wife lets us know every day. Sometimes several times.

(Search for the Bradenton address shows Cortez  Plaza and the following businesses: Switch Wireless, Signarama, Books-a-Million and a business sign unreadable because of the camera angle. Additional search shows Armand’s Hearing Center also at the address. In a posted review, a writer says he/she paid $5,000 on a Friday for a hearing aid and then tried to return the device on Monday. The buyer was charged $458 and old A.H.C. would hold the remainder for 30 days. The unsatisfied customer said he/she got the money back after a month.)