How to get your book approved for a school library

From That Paragon of Direct Reporting (The Babylon Bee)

School libraries are safe spaces for children to open their minds to the virtues of cross-dressing and Communism. But if you wrote a book about sea turtles and their wacky adventures you may find trouble getting your story approved by the librarian. You're going to need to update that timeless tale for a contemporary audience.

Here's what publishers say libraries are looking for:

Douse it in glitter and blue lipstick: Librarians don't spend a lot of time reading so if the cover appeals to them you're in.

Make sure there are no whites on the cover: Better yet, don't include whites at all.

Include at least one pornographic description of a sexual act: Performed by barracudas.

Consider adding dragons: Even if it's a book about World War II. Gay dragons are always welcome.

Rainbows! Rainbows! Rainbows!: As long as you're not talking about Noah. That bigot.

Dress in drag for the author's photo: You look fine.

Get Yoel Roth to write a special foreword for your book: He's the arbiter of all knowledge.

Have the story end with the destruction of the world due to climate change: If your parents had an electric car the dinosaurs would still be alive today.

https://babylonbee.com/news/how-to-get-your-book-approved-for-the-schl-library?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=email